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Love is Louder: The Real Story

So today along with my FridayFlash and my post over on Silver Pens (a WordPress blog where a bunch of teens talk about writing.) I’m going to let you all in on a very special story, mine. This isn’t a biography though, it’s a memoir of my bullying experiences. I will admit I almost chickened out this week but then something happened and it made me realize that by posting this I was doing the right thing. For those of you who’ve followed me from the beginning will remember the story I posted a few months back titled “Love is Louder” well as the title suggests, this is the real story. For those of you who haven’t read that one, I suggest reading it after this but that story is a fictional tale about the life of someone who was bullied. I came to the decision to do this after I read someone’s story that was given to me by a friend. So with formalities out of the way, let’s get on with it.

Our story begins in December of 2004, the winter of my third grade year. It was the last day of school before Christmas break. I was passing out a paper when I felt myself falling, then landing on the leg of a desk. I willed myself not to cry and made it until I was out of the classroom on my way to the nurse’s office. It hurt like hell. The teacher asked if I was tripped and since I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble I said no. You see I was a bit of what they call a goody-goody. I later found out from a friend that I had indeed been tripped but she didn’t say anything. I don’t remember anything else happening for the rest of the year.

This brings us to the 2005-2006 school year also called my fourth grade year and the first of several years of hell.  I was different. I didn’t believe in matching clothes. I wasn’t allowed to have a sharpie, yes a sharpie. I got made fun of for not having one. I also had a large imagination that I still have. At this point, most people stopped believing in Santa and what not. Someone even told me that Santa wasn’t real but I didn’t believe her. I had a pink eraser, you know the thick ones, that I named and treated like a pet. Some of them threw it away and I believe they were laughing at me as I looked everywhere in my desk and pencil bag looking for it. There was also the rumor that was spread, either in fourth or fifth grade not quite sure which,that said I ate grass. Yup, you read that right but here’s the thing is that was really horrible.

So let’s talk about fifth grade a little bit. I tried to be popular. I’d been on the cheerleading squad since third grade, I’d later be on it until eighth grade, and I’d seen in all the shows that, that made you popular. I had a Webkinz which was what was in at the time  but for some reason I was still made fun of occasionally. I always turned in my homework on time and was still your basic goody-goody. I remember that they brought me to tears in sixth grade, can’t remember why but I remember my class getting yelled at while I stood in the hallway trying to stop crying then when I walked back in they all stared at me. I got a slight break in seventh and eighth grade, at least to the point where if they were doing it, I didn’t know about it.

This brings us to last school year, freshman year. It started out fantastic. I was going to an all girls school that was nearby but considered “out of district” so there were only twelve of us going three of which were good friends of mine and  the others who weren’t any of them, well one but she now pretends that I don’t exist. This part of it starts about midyear, oddly enough when I met my current best friend whom was in none of my classes and I only had one lunch with not counting the days we had two lunches. One of my “good friends” whom I had come to this school knowing, sorta turned on me. She just started out by going online and finding the fanfictions I had put up and purposely leaving mean comments on them but I had no proof that it was her. At first I approached her and asked if it was her, and then believed her when she said no. At the time, I had bragged about my fanfictions because I loved writing them and I was happy. Then I started talking about a chat room I hung out in and she found it then came in and was quite troll like, my other “good friend” joined her in this particular act. At this point, I’d started back up with fanfictions and soon after found out it was her. When  I approached her about it again, she told me it wasn’t her but when I got home, there were lovely reviews on the first and second chapters of several of my fanfictions. It was at that point I was sure it was her. She now bashes every opinion that anyone has that is different then hers.

And that’s my story. Yup, not too long you see but quite damaging. I’ve become kind of shy. I participate in class and force myself to get up in front of people but I am less likely to compliment a stranger and it scares me to stand out. I know I have lots of issues from it none of which I’m going to name but bullying IS a SERIOUS problem. So, best wishes to all and if you want to help this organization is dedicated to spreading the word about bullying.

So best wishes and no bullying to all! Remember this, Bullying is a problem that CAN BE STOPPED!

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